Thursday, December 13, 2012

The End Of The World Cometh: Celebrate While There Is Still Time

With life as we know it about to end in just a few days, it's time to forget all those constraints that have hampered our wildest desires.   

No, we're not talking about the fiscal cliff because that's irrelevant--we'll all be dead and gone by then, some ten days before that would even happen.   No, we're talking about 12-21-2012, the end of the Mayan calendar and the end of the world.

So with that in mind doesn't it make sense to simply chuck it all and do all that you had dreamed to do now rather than take a chance on December 22 and beyond?

What to do?
  • Tell your boss what you really think about him
  • Quit, because you'll be fired after you tell off your boss
  • Get good and drunk.   You might want to wait until the 20th to do this since it might ease your transition and eliminate some of the fear.
  • Take that money you were going to spend on others for Christmas and go blow it on something for you--a new Bimmer, Jag or something.   Actually, you might be wiser to buy it on credit since you'll never have to pay it back--kind of like the federal government.    Spend the cash on something you can't buy on credit (food, drink, wild women)!!
  • Forget your waistline and pig out.   You won't need to worry about making any new years resolutions about dieting.  Go order some 32 ounce Cokes if it's not illegal where you live.
  • Go to a fast food restaurant and forget the calorie count next to the price on the menu board.
  • Go to a fancy restaurant and order some Foie Gras if it hasn't been banned in your city.
  • Light up that joint.   Forget the law because they probably won't bother to incarcerate you for breaking it.   But if you're worried about spending your final days behind bars just go to Colorado.   For us, we'll just light up some of those $15 stogies that we planned on smoking the day that the world as we knew it ended--November 6.
  • Throw an extra log on the fire or turn up the thermostat.  Don't worry about polluting the air with a bunch of particulates.   Even if the world doesn't end on the 21st, Al Gore knows we will destroy it soon anyway.
  • Tell your in-laws what you really think of them.
  • Take a look at the Ten Commandments if you remember what they are and make a list of the ones you most want to violate now and do it.   Your government has already started that process but it won't be entirely complete before 12-21.
  • Don't pray, at least publicly and don't ask God to save your sole and forgive your sins because your government and most of the world doesn't believe in your God anyway.  Besides you may be arrested for saying 'God' in public and spend the few days you have left behind bars.
Somehow we at the Objective Conservative are felling a little cheated by this whole process.   We were looking forward to the winter solstice in hopes of abating or at least beginning to abate our seasonally affected disease (SAD), looking forward to the days getting longer.

We were looking forward to Christmas, a time to celebrate the birth of Christ with our family and friends.

We were looking forward to a new year with new resolutions about how we'd change our lives for the better.

We were looking forward to the end of the fiscal cliff and then dealing with raising the national debt.

We were looking forward to the complete implementation of Obamacare, knowing that the state would be responsible for our health.

We were looking forward to 2014 and the governor's race and to 2016 and Hillary Clinton's coronation.

Oh well, maybe it's just as well that we won't have these portents of the future to worry about.

P.S.  Don't worry if you go wild and crazy.   Others will do the same out of fear and there will be a government program to absolve you from any personal responsibility for your actions.

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